If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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