Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
