I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
