The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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