I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
