I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
last night I used snow as a chaser
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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