you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
