Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize