Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
