Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
the day after is always just damage control
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Randomize
