I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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