so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
