my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
