All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
