Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
