it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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