There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
