At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
