he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
