fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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