tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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