he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
