I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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