I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
