Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize