So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
