Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
