Umm I'm too high to move.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
