I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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