I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
