It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
