you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
