Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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