Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
