saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
