i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
