dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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