Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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