I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
3pm strippers are depressing
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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