True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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