please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm too high and old for this...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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