I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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