His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
