ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize