i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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