im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
