so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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