giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
