people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
