she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
