I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
