I didn't shave. On purpose
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
