giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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