dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
