can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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