thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize