I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
