i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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