ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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