He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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