could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize