i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
