Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
