It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
