New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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